Thanks to Glenn for bringing questions from the bar…apparently he needs a laptop set up there so people can post directly onto “Don’t Cry in Your Beer”! Regardless of where, the question has been posed, so here it is…
How Many is Too Many
by Glenn on February 8, 2010
Now here is a question for our Life Coach. Since she is woman of superior intelligence, and great looks, I want to know the answer. This came to my attention this week from a young lady I work with. It all comes back as I have been asked the same question, and it’s definitely a curious one. This woman was out on a first date, doesn’t always have to be the first, but somewhere in the beginning. I know we’re all curious in the start of a new relationship. But some questions seem a little much, don’t you think?
I’ve broken it down into a few secondary questions. So here it is: How many woman have you slept with? That’s the biggie, here’s what we want to know: 1/ Why do you need/want to know? 2/ How many is too many? 3/ Would you still date us if we didn’t answer? 4/ What if later on, you found out we lied about the answer? 5/ Should we lie to make you happy?
Wow there are way too many questions for this one. If you have anymore give us a holler or if you know the answer, ditto. I fully expect to hear from the Mayor on this one.
Cheers Ladies, The Drink Guy
Lynn’s Two Cents…
Dear “Too Many”
Obviously the question posed to our drink guy Glenn came from a woman; but let’s remember that it is not only women that ask these questions. Establishing a new relationship with someone is all about exploring who that person is, primarily to figure out how they, or if they, fit into our lives. New relationships should be exciting and fun, but they certainly carry with them an element of stress, simply because establishing the rapport and comfort level of a more established relationship takes time. Getting to know and understand a persons likes and dislikes, their “quirks” and hang-ups…all of these things require time, experiencing different situations together, and conversations about many and multiple topics. If the two people involved in exploring this new relationship are equally interested in each other, and both are genuinely interested in pursuing the relationship, eventually the questions/conversations will move to a deeper level. Great “first date” conversations revolve around movies you enjoyed, books, music, hobbies…light topics that help us determine interest level. As any relationship progresses to a point where two people are becoming more serious, the conversations naturally follow that path. There comes a point that; in a mature and respectful relationship; people need to communicate about things that matter, and sometimes things that are very difficult for them to talk about. This is really “crunch” time for many new relationships, because as people move to the next level of conversation, they begin to figure out things that have a bigger impact long term. You can have fun dating someone that has totally different taste in movies, books, music…but is it wise to pursue a more serious relationship with someone that operates on a completely different level than you when it comes to their “life code”?
The question remains, are some questions too much? Specifically, the question that has arisen pertains to past sexual experience, which in of itself is a valid question in a relationship. For many people, the moral code that is connected to how a person deals with sex and sexuality is a huge part of how they perceive that person. Some people do need to know, some people simply want to know, and some people just won’t care…everyone is different. Just as Glenn’s follow up questions “How many are too many” “Would you still date that person if they refuse to answer” “What if you later found out we lied” and “Should we lie to make you happy” will have different answers for everyone. Age, gender, moral beliefs, and personal past experiences will all play a role in how each person reacts to each answer. Ultimately I believe that if you are building a mature, respectful relationship, that you and your partner will deal with each question as respectfully as you can. If you are uncomfortable answering a question, you should be able to tell the other person you are uncomfortable. If that makes them unhappy, then ideally this will be an opportunity for you both to talk through it and reach a compromise that you can both live with. Ultimately that is the point, being able to work through each situation together. Relationships are easy when life is good and everything is fun…building them for the long term requires a bit more effort!
Of course, I love the fact that Glenn posed the question without answering…bit of a cop out waiting for me to answer first when he posted the question, don’t you all think? So stay tuned for…
Glenn’s Two Cents…
Now that I’m winded, wtf, that was long and a good way to avoid the question. As most women seem to do. Men are simple creatures, yes or no works well enough. So here are the answers I’ve pieced together from different women.
1/Insecurity issues, don’t want comparison issues.
2/Anything above five was too many. Some went as high has ten.
3/For a little while anyway, until we screw up and give the right answer.
4/See above, we are history, unless you eventually wow them.
5/Absolutely, anything to save some feelings
Stop beating around the bush when we ask a question and stop asking those impossible questions.
The Drink Guy
P.S. I’m in s**t for this one.
Lynn’s NEXT Two Cents…
Hmmm…to quote from Glenn, “Men are simple creatures, yes or no works well enough” …I can’t imagine that answering every question with a “yes” or “no” will suffice, but perhaps ladies we should put it to the test…
Glenn’s LAST Penny…
Now were talking. And I will be looking forward to this test…