Cyberstalking…Did I Cross that Line?

Dear Drink Guy…


So I was at my significant other’s place the other day, and needed to use the computer. My SO told me to go ahead, so I did. When I sat down, I realized that they had a “social” site open that they had a subscription to, a site designed for singles. I knew I should just close it up, but instead I started to poke around. I found “chats” with other people that had started before we were dating, but had continued after we started seeing each other. (A couple months now) I was not happy, but also realized that I should not have been poking around. Now I don’t know what to do! Is this cyberstalking, or just an invasion of privacy, and how should I handle it?

Dear Curious…

Thank you for your question! Since we covered our Drink Guy Glenn’s perspective pretty clearly on Episode 6 of TDG TV, I thought I would take a moment and add my two cents in here, just so I know that I give you a clear answer from me.

From my perspective, there are a couple factors at play. First of all, if your relationship is relatively new, I would take into consideration the level of commitment you, as a couple, have chosen. (And making sure you both agree on that level!) Is it possible that you are attaching a higher level of commitment than your SO is? Or, is it possible that your SO is simply a social, non-confrontational personality, and as such, cutting off “chat room” friendships cold turkey makes them feel badly, and bringing them up to you makes them feel uncomfortable, so they avoid both? This being said, neither is the “right” answer in my opinion, but if the relationship is important to you both, anything can be worked through. On the flip side, I do feel that your “accidental” poking around on their site was also a breach…thus you both have something to apologize for and to forgive.

As far as the cyberstalking goes, according to the Wikipedia definition, this does not really qualify. Wiki defines it as  “the use of information and communications technology, particularly the Internet, by an individual or group of individuals, to harass another individual, group of individuals, or organization.”  An invasion of privacy, yes; cyberstalking, no.

In your shoes (without really knowing your relationship dynamics, so take this with a grain of salt!) I would likely choose to have an open and honest conversation with my SO. I would admit to what I had done, and how it happened, and ask forgiveness. I would then explain how it made me feel, and ask my SO if we could talk about it, with the goal being to get to a place that we could both understand the other’s feelings and find a solution that worked for both. Just my opinion :cute:

Cheers, Lynn and the Drink Guy Team