Funnies

  A woman got married and had thirteen children, then her husband died. She married again and had seven more children. Again her husband died. She remarried and this time had five more children. She finally died after having twenty five children. Standing before her coffin, the preacher prayed for her. He thanked the Lord for this very loving woman and said, "Lord, they're finally together." One mourner leaned over and quietly asked her friend, "Do you think he means her first, second, or third husband?" The friend replied, "I think he means her...

What to do with these kids?!?! Some ideas are better than others...

Eclipse is out today, so in honor of the third installment of the Twilight series, and because Lynn is crazy addicted to it all, the cheesiest Vampire joke I could find seemed appropriate. She'll love it anyway, especially the pictures. I don't get it, but whatever. It was her birthday this week, so Happy Birthday Lynn. The Cullen Brothers Go To A Bar Three vampire brothers walk into a bar and sit down at a table. The waitress comes over and asks the first vampire, Jasper, what he would like. He responds, "I would like some blood." The waitress turns to the...

Two guys went out into the woods to do a little duck hunting, and while one kept close watch, the other drank a dozen beers. After considerable time passed, a solitary mallard flew over. The sober guy took aim but missed. "Quick!" he shouted to his drunken buddy. "Try and hit that duck!" The inebriated guy waved his shotgun in the general direction of the sky, pulled the trigger and damned if he didn't hit the duck. "That's incredible!" exclaimed the sober guy. "Not really," said the drunk guy. "When there's a whole fuckin' flock, you can't hardly miss!" One More.... Two...

Not Sure What To Think Auckland, New Zealand-A drunk driver trapped after overturning his car cracked open another can of beer while he waited for emergency crews to rescue him, a New Zealand court was told. Defense lawyer Peter Young said that when Paul Sneddon, 47, found he could not open the doors, "he had nothing else to do at that point, so he had another beer." Do I laugh Or Congratulate Him.

Better Late Then Never A girl says to her boyfriend, "I read a study that said 90 percent of all men masturbate in the shower every morning and the other 10 percent sing." "Really?" says the boyfriend. "Yes, and do you know what song they sing?" asks the girlfriend. "No." replies the boyfriend. "I didn't think so." Another Stupid Drunk This guy at a restaurant was intoxicated and annoying customers. The manager of the restaurant called the authorities and when the police came, they didn't arrest him but insisted that he call someone for a ride home, which he did. But when he...