Added on August 10, 2010 by Glenn
A woman got married and had thirteen children, then her husband died. She married again and had seven more children. Again her husband died. She remarried and this time had five more children. She finally died after having twenty five children.
Standing before her coffin, the preacher prayed for her. He thanked the Lord for this very loving woman and said, "Lord, they're finally together."
One mourner leaned over and quietly asked her friend, "Do you think he means her first, second, or third husband?"
The friend replied, "I think he means her...
Added on July 27, 2010 by Glenn
What to do with these kids?!?!
Some ideas are better than others...
Added on June 28, 2010 by Glenn
Eclipse is out today, so in honor of the third installment of the Twilight series, and because Lynn is crazy addicted to it all, the cheesiest Vampire joke I could find seemed appropriate. She'll love it anyway, especially the pictures. I don't get it, but whatever. It was her birthday this week, so Happy Birthday Lynn.
The Cullen Brothers Go To A Bar
Three vampire brothers walk into a bar and sit down at a table.
The waitress comes over and asks the first vampire, Jasper, what he would like.
He responds, "I would like some blood."
The waitress turns to the...
Added on June 28, 2010 by Glenn
Two guys went out into the woods to do a little duck hunting, and while one kept close watch, the other drank a dozen beers. After considerable time passed, a solitary mallard flew over. The sober guy took aim but missed. "Quick!" he shouted to his drunken buddy. "Try and hit that duck!"
The inebriated guy waved his shotgun in the general direction of the sky, pulled the trigger and damned if he didn't hit the duck.
"That's incredible!" exclaimed the sober guy.
"Not really," said the drunk guy. "When there's a whole fuckin' flock, you can't hardly miss!"
One More....
Two...
Added on June 25, 2010 by Glenn
Not Sure What To Think
Auckland, New Zealand-A drunk driver trapped after overturning his car cracked open another can of beer while he waited for emergency crews to rescue him, a New Zealand court was told.
Defense lawyer Peter Young said that when Paul Sneddon, 47, found he could not open the doors, "he had nothing else to do at that point, so he had another beer."
Do I laugh Or Congratulate Him.
Added on June 22, 2010 by Glenn
Better Late Then Never
A girl says to her boyfriend, "I read a study that said 90 percent of all men masturbate in the shower every morning and the other 10 percent sing."
"Really?" says the boyfriend.
"Yes, and do you know what song they sing?" asks the girlfriend.
"No." replies the boyfriend.
"I didn't think so."
Another Stupid Drunk
This guy at a restaurant was intoxicated and annoying customers. The manager of the restaurant called the authorities and when the police came, they didn't arrest him but insisted that he call someone for a ride home, which he did. But when he...
Added on June 7, 2010 by Glenn
I Know The Feeling
A guy was sitting at a table in his favorite restaurant one evening when he spotted a beautiful woman across the room eating by herself. He called the waiter over and asked for their most expensive bottle of wine to be sent over to the woman. The waiter delivered the wine saying it was from the gentleman over there. She looked at it and sent a note saying, "For me to accept this, you need to have a Mercedes in your garage, $ 1 Million in the bank and seven inches in your pants."
After reading the note, the man replied with his own note, saying, "As it happens, I have...
Added on June 6, 2010 by Glenn
And Does This Mean C3PO Will Be A Bottle Of Goldschläger?
Added on June 2, 2010 by Glenn
And Apparently My Bad Day Could Get Worse!
Added on May 31, 2010 by Glenn
After the annual Memorial Day office picnic blow out, John woke up with a pounding headache and unable to recall the events of the preceding evening.
After a trip to the bathroom he was able to make his way downstairs, where his wife put some coffee in front of him.
"Louise," he moaned, "tell me what went on last night. Was it as bad as I think?"
"Even worse," she assured him in her most scornful one. "You made a complete ass of yourself, succeeded in antagonizing the entire board of directors, and insulted the chairman of the company to his face."
"He's an arrogant,...
Added on May 28, 2010 by Glenn
It's Friday...the Fun Begins!
Added on May 26, 2010 by Glenn
...when unsuspecting parents enjoy their children being home...hmmm...
Added on May 23, 2010 by Glenn
The Funnies
The Reverends Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton, while visiting a grade school class, found themselves in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meaning.
The teacher asked both men if they would like to lead the discussion of the word "tragedy." Reverend Jackson asks the class for an example of a "tragedy." One little boy stood up and offered, "If my best friend who lives on a farm is playing in the field and a runaway tractor comes along and, runs over him and kills him dead, that would be a tragedy."
"No," says the Rev. Jesse Jackson, "That would be an...
Added on May 21, 2010 by Glenn
Long May 24 Weekend in Canada, the fun never ends!
Added on May 12, 2010 by Glenn
Even Why You Can't Own A Canadian...hmmm...
Added on May 11, 2010 by Glenn
Having Second Thoughts About Hiking and Biking!
Added on May 10, 2010 by Glenn
Funnies
Mildred, the church gossip and self appointed monitor of the town morals, kept putting her nose in other people's business, but the church flock feared her enough to keep silent. She made a mistake when she accused Mad Dog, a new church member, of being a woman chaser and alcoholic after she saw his old Harley parked in front of the town's only bar. She told Mad Dog, and others, that seeing it there only proves what he is doing.
Mad Dog, a man of few words, stared at her , then turned and walked away. He didn't defend, or deny.
Later that night, Mad Dog quietly parked his...
Added on May 9, 2010 by Glenn
If You Are Not Already There!!
Added on May 9, 2010 by Glenn
And Just In Case Anyone Is Confused...Mom Is Always Right!
Added on May 9, 2010 by Glenn
Hmm...Easier Said Than Done!
Added on May 8, 2010 by Glenn
All in the Name of Love
Alcohol Does Aid Sex: Australian researchers found that a good, stiff drink actually improves a man's prowess in the bedroom. According to the study, men who consumed up to twenty drinks a week spread over five days had the fewest sexual problems. Those who drank on the weekends only, still had an advantage over men who drank only one day a week or drank none at all. The worst performing group was made up of former heavy drinkers that had stopped drinking altogether.
See ladies, we do it for you!
Here's A Visual
A drunk man pulled his pants down and...
Added on May 8, 2010 by Glenn
Happy Mothers Day to All the Super Moms!
Added on May 8, 2010 by Glenn
And Make Wise Decisions...Or Bring Post Its.
Added on May 7, 2010 by Glenn
Fun To Kick Off Your Friday!
Dumb Criminals, Mistaken Arrest Reports And Stubborn Ducks...Can The World Get Any More Ridiculous?!
Added on May 6, 2010 by Glenn
Ahhh...stay in bed, a grand idea!
Added on May 5, 2010 by Glenn
Coping Techniques!
Everyone has them, everyone needs them...some we should keep to ourselves!
Added on May 2, 2010 by Glenn
Sunday Fun With The Drink Guy!
Added on April 30, 2010 by Glenn
...And Potentially The Divorce Lawyers are Raking in More Cash Than The Players!
Added on April 29, 2010 by Glenn
It's Almost Friday, Some "Truth is Stranger Than Fiction" to Get You The Rest of The Way There!
Seriously, truth IS stranger than fiction, you couldn't make this stuff up!
Added on April 28, 2010 by Glenn
Happy Hump Day...
...but in case it's not, take a moment, relax in the sunshine, and enjoy the beauty of the clouds floating by...
...and know you're not the only one annoyed that it's only Wednesday!!!
Added on April 27, 2010 by Glenn
Frustrated Hockey Fans Lash Out!
Added on April 25, 2010 by Glenn
How the Fight Started....
A man and woman were were asleep like two innocent babies. Suddenly, at 3 o'clock in the morning, a loud noise came from outside.
The woman, sort of bewildered, jumped up from the bed and yelled at the man, "Holy crap, that must be my husband!"
The man quickly jumped out of bed, and scared and naked jumped out the window. He smashed on the ground, ran through a thorn bush and then started to run as fast as he could to his car. A few minutes later he returned, went up to the bedroom and screamed at the woman, "I am your husband!"
The woman yelled back,...
Added on April 23, 2010 by Glenn
You Have To Love Grandma!!
Added on April 21, 2010 by Glenn
I Seriously Laughed Out Loud!
Make Sure You Read All The Way To The End!!
Added on April 20, 2010 by Glenn
Not Even Status Jumping, We Are Site Jumping Now!!
Added on April 19, 2010 by Glenn
A Smile From The Drink Guy!
Added on April 19, 2010 by Glenn
A guy was tending bar at a posh Texas hotel when two snooty women approached.
"So where y'all from?" he asked.
One replied angrily, "We are from New York where people do not end their sentences with prepositions.'
"Oh," he said "So where y'all from, Bitch?"
Bad words-and worse timing
If you're driving drunk in a stolen car, it might not be a good idea to yell obscenities at a passing cop.
But police in Newfoundland and Labrador say a 47-year-old Deer Lake man was pulled over on the shoulder of the road Thursday when he leaned his head out of the window to hurl insults at the...
Added on April 18, 2010 by Glenn
Enjoy a Smile, Enjoy Your Day!
Added on April 16, 2010 by Glenn
Just in Case We Were Confused!
Added on April 14, 2010 by Glenn
Online Dating: You Are Doing It Wrong!!
Added on April 12, 2010 by Glenn
A Sunday school teacher asked her class the question: "When you die and go to Heaven, which part of your body goes first?"
Suzie raised her hand and said, "I think your hands, because when you pray, you hold your hands together in front of you and God just takes your hands first."
"What a wonderful answer!" The teacher said.
Now little Johnny raised his hand and said, "Teacher I think it's your legs."
The teacher looked at him warily. "Now Johnny, why do you think it would be your legs?"
Little Johnny said, "Well, I walked into Mommy and Daddy's bedroom the other night,...
Added on April 9, 2010 by Glenn
You Stupid B@stard! You cheated on Sandra Bullock?
How in the world can you be so stupid? You are married to one of the most beautiful women in the world.
She has a body to die for and her current wealth shadowed only by Oprah.
Your wife recently beat out Julia Roberts in the polls and is now named "America's Sweetheart."
You also remember, she just won an Oscar and praised you up and down in front of the world while you were porkin' away.
You are really a piece of work! You are the most hated @sshole cheater on the planet!
How can you live with yourself!
I only have one...
Added on April 9, 2010 by Glenn
Kind of curious to meet this person...
And not so much to meet this one!
Added on April 7, 2010 by Glenn
Always appreciative of intelligent reporting. Hmmm...FAIL!
But seriously, it`s good to know that those 25 year old teenagers are getting pregnant less these days!
Added on April 6, 2010 by Glenn
This comes from one of our great Drink Guy fans!!
Why I was fired...
For the last company picnic management decided that due to liability issues we could have alcohol, but only 1 drink per person.
I was fired for ordering the cups.
Thanks to Julie for Tuesday's laugh!
Added on April 5, 2010 by Glenn
Since we've been talking about infidelity, here's one for ya.
A woman is in bed with her lover when she hears her husband opening the front door. "Hurry," she says, "Stand in the corner." While he stands in the corner she rubs baby oil on him and dusts him all over with talcum powder. "Pretend you're a statue!" she tells him.
"What's this?" the husband asks as he walks in the bedroom.
"Oh that's a statue I bought," the wife replies. "The Andersons have one and I liked it so much I got one for us too."
Around 2 a.m. the husband gets up, goes to the kitchen and returns with...
Added on April 4, 2010 by Glenn
Funny for Monday...Epic Fail from the tattoo parlor!
Added on April 4, 2010 by Glenn
Happy Easter!!
Added on April 3, 2010 by Glenn
Happy Easter from the Drink Guy Team!
Oh yes...Epic Fail in the parenting Department!
Added on April 1, 2010 by Glenn
Just Add Tequila!!
Added on March 31, 2010 by Glenn
Again...there are really no words!
Added on March 31, 2010 by Glenn
The Pickup line, I've heard them all. Being a bartender definitely has its privileges. As I've stated earlier we get to see and hear everything.
One such observation, albiet extremely humorous as time passes and more alcohol is consumed, is the mating ritual of the homosapien.
The mating ritual generally begins immediately upon entry into the bar. First off we all need to check out the scene.
Don't kid yourself we all do it, guys, girls, bartenders, servers, busboys, doorman, the DJ etc. Anyone drinking, working or sometimes both, does it.
We need to see who's available,...
Added on March 30, 2010 by Glenn
With spring in the air and the beautiful weather forecast for this weekend, many people's thoughts turn to outdoor pursuits, such as golf. Just make sure you know the rules, breaking them could create a much higher penalty than you are prepared to pay!!
Added on March 29, 2010 by Glenn
Monday Morning Laugh...Why Men Should Not Write Advice Columns!
It just seemed an appropriate funny to share given the topic of Episode 9 of The Drink Guy TV and the discussions surrounding Sandra Bullock, Jesse James, and even Tiger Woods! Great advice John! :laugh:
Added on March 27, 2010 by Glenn
Enjoy your weekend and drink responsibly! :silly:
Added on March 26, 2010 by Glenn
There are no words...
Added on March 25, 2010 by Glenn
Clear instructions are vital. :-?
Added on March 24, 2010 by Glenn
Do we think someone got in trouble for this?!?!
Added on March 23, 2010 by Glenn
Now there's a deal! :-P
Added on March 22, 2010 by Glenn
Added on March 20, 2010 by Glenn
Happy Saturday!!!
Added on March 19, 2010 by Glenn
Read the fine print...too funny!!!
Happy Friday!!!
Added on March 18, 2010 by Glenn
Added on February 12, 2010 by Glenn
Proud to be a Canadian!
So, in honour of the opening ceremonies of the Vancouver 2010 Winter Olympics, some fun facts (although I admit I have not checked them, just laughed at them) about Canada
1. Baseball is Canadian - First game June 4, 1838 - Ingersoll, ON
2. Hockey is Canadian
3. Lacrosse is Canadian
4. Basketball is Canadian
5. The size of our footballs fields, one less down, and bigger balls
6. Invented Smarties, Crispy Crunch and Coffee Crisp
7. Apple pie is Canadian
8. Mr. Dress up beats Mr. Rogers
9. Tim Hortons...
Added on February 3, 2010 by Glenn
The 1st kind of sex is called ... Smurf Sex.
This kind of sex happens when you first meet
someone and you both have sex until you are
blue in the face.
The 2nd kind of sex is called ... Kitchen Sex.
This is when you have been with your partner for
a short time and you are so needy you will have
sex anywhere, even in the kitchen.
The 3rd kind of sex is called ... Bedroom Sex.
This is when you have been with your partner for a
long time. Your sex has gotten routine and you
usually have sex only in your bedroom.
The 4th kind of sex is called ... Hallway Sex.
This is when...