Funnies

  A woman got married and had thirteen children, then her husband died. She married again and had seven more children. Again her husband died. She remarried and this time had five more children. She finally died after having twenty five children. Standing before her coffin, the preacher prayed for her. He thanked the Lord for this very loving woman and said, "Lord, they're finally together." One mourner leaned over and quietly asked her friend, "Do you think he means her first, second, or third husband?" The friend replied, "I think he means her...

What to do with these kids?!?! Some ideas are better than others...

Eclipse is out today, so in honor of the third installment of the Twilight series, and because Lynn is crazy addicted to it all, the cheesiest Vampire joke I could find seemed appropriate. She'll love it anyway, especially the pictures. I don't get it, but whatever. It was her birthday this week, so Happy Birthday Lynn. The Cullen Brothers Go To A Bar Three vampire brothers walk into a bar and sit down at a table. The waitress comes over and asks the first vampire, Jasper, what he would like. He responds, "I would like some blood." The waitress turns to the...

Two guys went out into the woods to do a little duck hunting, and while one kept close watch, the other drank a dozen beers. After considerable time passed, a solitary mallard flew over. The sober guy took aim but missed. "Quick!" he shouted to his drunken buddy. "Try and hit that duck!" The inebriated guy waved his shotgun in the general direction of the sky, pulled the trigger and damned if he didn't hit the duck. "That's incredible!" exclaimed the sober guy. "Not really," said the drunk guy. "When there's a whole fuckin' flock, you can't hardly miss!" One More.... Two...

Not Sure What To Think Auckland, New Zealand-A drunk driver trapped after overturning his car cracked open another can of beer while he waited for emergency crews to rescue him, a New Zealand court was told. Defense lawyer Peter Young said that when Paul Sneddon, 47, found he could not open the doors, "he had nothing else to do at that point, so he had another beer." Do I laugh Or Congratulate Him.

Better Late Then Never A girl says to her boyfriend, "I read a study that said 90 percent of all men masturbate in the shower every morning and the other 10 percent sing." "Really?" says the boyfriend. "Yes, and do you know what song they sing?" asks the girlfriend. "No." replies the boyfriend. "I didn't think so." Another Stupid Drunk This guy at a restaurant was intoxicated and annoying customers. The manager of the restaurant called the authorities and when the police came, they didn't arrest him but insisted that he call someone for a ride home, which he did. But when he...

I Know The Feeling A guy was sitting at a table in his favorite restaurant one evening when he spotted a beautiful woman across the room eating by herself. He called the waiter over and asked for their most expensive bottle of wine to be sent over to the woman. The waiter delivered the wine saying it was from the gentleman over there. She looked at it and sent a note saying, "For me to accept this, you need to have a Mercedes in your garage, $ 1 Million in the bank and seven inches in your pants." After reading the note, the man replied with his own note, saying, "As it happens, I have...

And Does This Mean C3PO Will Be A Bottle Of  Goldschläger?

And Apparently My Bad Day Could Get Worse!

After the annual Memorial Day office picnic blow out, John woke up with a pounding headache and unable to recall the events of the preceding evening. After a trip to the bathroom he was able to make his way downstairs, where his wife put some coffee in front of him. "Louise," he moaned, "tell me what went on last night. Was it as bad as I think?" "Even worse," she assured him in her most scornful one. "You made a complete ass of yourself, succeeded in antagonizing the entire board of directors, and insulted the chairman of the company to his face." "He's an arrogant,...

It's Friday...the Fun Begins!

...when unsuspecting parents enjoy their children being home...hmmm...

The Funnies The Reverends Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton, while visiting a grade school class, found themselves in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meaning. The teacher asked both men if they would like to lead the discussion of the word "tragedy." Reverend Jackson asks the class for an example of a "tragedy." One little boy stood up and offered, "If my best friend who lives on a farm is playing in the field and a runaway tractor comes along and, runs over him and kills him dead, that would be a tragedy." "No," says the Rev. Jesse Jackson, "That would be an...

Long May 24 Weekend in Canada, the fun never ends!

Even Why You Can't Own A Canadian...hmmm...

Having Second Thoughts About Hiking and Biking!

Funnies Mildred, the church gossip and self appointed monitor of the town morals, kept putting her nose in other people's business, but the church flock feared her enough to keep silent. She made a mistake when she accused Mad Dog, a new church member, of being a woman chaser and alcoholic after she saw his old Harley parked in front of the town's only bar. She told Mad Dog, and others, that seeing it there only proves what he is doing. Mad Dog, a man of few words, stared at her , then turned and walked away. He didn't defend, or deny. Later that night, Mad Dog quietly parked his...

If You Are Not Already There!!

And Just In Case Anyone Is Confused...Mom Is Always Right!

Hmm...Easier Said Than Done!

All in the Name of Love Alcohol Does Aid Sex: Australian researchers found that a good, stiff drink actually improves a man's prowess in the bedroom. According to the study, men who consumed up to twenty drinks a week spread over five days had the fewest sexual problems. Those who drank on the weekends only, still had an advantage over men who drank only one day a week or drank none at all. The worst performing group was made up of former heavy drinkers that had stopped drinking altogether. See ladies, we do it for you! Here's A Visual A drunk man pulled his pants down and...

Happy Mothers Day to All the Super Moms!

And Make Wise Decisions...Or Bring Post Its.

Fun To Kick Off Your Friday! Dumb Criminals, Mistaken Arrest Reports And Stubborn Ducks...Can The World Get Any More Ridiculous?!

Ahhh...stay in bed, a grand idea!

Coping Techniques! Everyone has them, everyone needs them...some we should keep to ourselves!

Sunday Fun With The Drink Guy!

...And Potentially The Divorce Lawyers are Raking in More Cash Than The Players!

It's Almost Friday, Some "Truth is Stranger Than Fiction" to Get You The Rest of The Way There! Seriously, truth IS stranger than fiction, you couldn't make this stuff up!

Happy Hump Day... ...but in case it's not, take a moment, relax in the sunshine, and enjoy the beauty of the clouds floating by... ...and know you're not the only one annoyed that it's only Wednesday!!!

Frustrated Hockey Fans Lash Out!

How the Fight Started.... A man and woman were were asleep like two innocent babies. Suddenly, at 3 o'clock in the morning, a loud noise came from outside. The woman, sort of bewildered, jumped up from the bed and yelled at the man, "Holy crap, that must be my husband!" The man quickly jumped out of bed, and scared and naked jumped out the window. He smashed on the ground, ran through a thorn bush and then started to run as fast as he could to his car. A few minutes later he returned, went up to the bedroom and screamed at the woman, "I am your husband!" The woman yelled back,...

You Have To Love Grandma!!

I Seriously Laughed Out Loud! Make Sure You Read All The Way To The End!!

Not Even Status Jumping, We Are Site Jumping Now!!

A Smile From The Drink Guy!